Overheard on the Bus

Really, hand to God, I am not making any of this up.

Blonde bimbo (chatting on her cell, sitting right behind me): ...hi. Yeah, I'm on the bus. No, I was still really nauseous from last night. What? Well, it's kind of funny - he doesn't call me. No, he has a phone, he just doesn't use it. Because it's really expensive, and it costs a lot to use it, and he doesn't want it to be stolen. So he doesn't even take it with him when he goes out. [ *pause*] No, we email all the time, that's how we communicate. [*pause*] No, it's totally serious. You need to understand that, Emily. It IS really serious between us. Yeah, absolutely. We just don't talk. Much.

Last night I texted him at 8:30 and emailed him at 10:30. The only problem is, what if I'm in the emergency room, like I was last night? [*starts laughing*] I can't EMAIL him from the ER, you know, so he wouldn't know! God, that's so funny.

Plus, you know, I'm allergic to his bacteria, which sucks. [*pause*] No, I went to a urologist, and he told me that sometimes people are just biologically incompatible. Yeah, three times in nine months. Sucks, right? But pretty soon I'm going to be on antibiotics. But once I'm on these pills it should be fine. [*pause*] No, I'll have to keep taking them. Like every time, before... right. And he's just gonna have to keep it really clean before we -

WO (standing up to get off the bus, muttering): Girl, the universe is trying to tell you something.

BB: ...hold on. I'm sorry, what?

WO: Excuse me, this is my stop.

BB: Oh, no problem.